suffering & justin hall
I posted a while ago about nietzsche and blogging, and then after a reminder from sen no sen, I dug up some more nietzsche, all of which amounted to a few observations, summarized a bit crassly here:
1. blogging can be a way to transform ones life into something more (art)
2. seeing ones life as art is a means to transform suffering into something meaningful and positive
3. if one is driven by art, one should strive for art
and finally
4. one should equate ones life to fate, and love that fate, whatever it might be
You may have seen this intense video by Justin Hall (via i never knew). Hall has chronicled the last 11 yrs of his personal life online. The video, titled aptly, “I sort of had a breakdown in January 2005″ is a cringe-inducing or gut-wrenching 10-minute peek into the soul of a blogger mid-meltdown, a very strange place to peek. Commenters are split between: “I feel your pain,” and “Wait wait wait WAIT ONE FUCKING SECOND, You’re 30 years old? What the fuck, dude!” Anyway, Justin Hall’s dilemma: his meaningful relationships are with that wide web of the internet, his writing (and his camera!); and his candid online writing about personal life taints his personal relationships. So he’s alone. Blogging and art, or or real connection; he thinks he can’t have both.
The video makes painful watching–it’s not the sort of stuff you see too often, but it’s fascinating are really weird, and you can watch real-time as Hall consciously translates this breakdown into a video. At one point Hall, with a wry chuckle, choked in tears, says something like: “If I’m going to go through this crap, I might as well make some good media with it.” I laughed out loud when I head that, but he’s right. Isn’t that, really, what art does? It transforms our lives, experience and our (possibly self-absorbed) torment into something more, something wider, something that other people can connect with? (I used to have a prof in university who constantly quoted CS Lewis: “We read to know we are not alone.”) Whatever you think of Justin Hall’s misery, he took it and transformed it into something for the rest of us to consider, and it probably did him some good. Nietzsche:
Art as the redemption of the sufferer–as the way to states in which suffering is willed, transfigured, diefied, where suffering is a form of great delight.
Blogging as problem and solution, maybe.
I was thinking about Justin Hall as I hopped into a taxi tonight. It’s rare to find a cab driver in Montreal who isn’t mid-argument, or mid-plea with some friend or lover on his mobile while driving you from place to place. A good thing, probably, at least for taxi drivers: talking makes their shifts pass faster, and you hope it helps them better develop their own relationships. But that technology cuts completely my interaction with the driver: I give my destination, and pay my bill. In the past you could count on every fouth taxi ride providing some entertaining conversation–rants about the mayor and bicycles, or just pleasant weather-talk–and sometimes some great human interaction. Now it’s one out of ten, because of mobile phone technology, which occupies the driver with other things. So the crazy taxi conversation fades from our world; what was once a social and commercial transaction becomes nothing but a commercial transaction. I don’t begrudge taxi drivers their mobile converations, but I miss the crazy-talk. I’ve lost out a bit, and I think society has lost out a bit too - though probably the taxi drivers have gained, which is fair-enough as far as trades go.
Blogging’s got some of that calculus as well: you gain in interaction with a community of like-minded individuals spread through the ether of the net, but your flesh n blood interactions can suffer. I notice this in a very small way with myself and others. The trade off. Maybe it’s a bit much to call blogging art, and maybe recording a tantrum isn’t art either; but it’s engaging, I was drawn in, fascinated, and decided to write about it, which gives it some more value, at least to me.
Hi Hugh,
Thanks for the pointer.
The most striking thing about Justin’s darknight, I found, was the general identification with his “crisis” among the commenters. While the context within which it is encountered is extremely unusual, the feelings are familiar to most.
I can’t say that I share the “get-the-hell-away-from-the-net” remedy proposed by so many. In itself, blogging (or the net for that matter) is not the problem any more than it is the solution. People have always had, and will continue to have such experiences, irrespective of the net.
Our minds, however, tend to ascribe causes and to seek remedies in that which surrounds us… and as plausible they may seem, they are based on some very basic assumptions regarding ourselves and our relation to the world which, I would argue, might not be as _obvious_ as we like to imagine.
What at some point may appear to have clearly identified causes is likely to be understood very differently from the vantage point of later experience. The journey of discovery leads along a path of many windings…
Comment by Andre — January 22, 2005 @ 3:03 am
what makes the story more interesting is that justin hall’s been blogging since long before the term blog was invented; and he’s credited as being one of the first.
also interesting was the negative reaction of some of the commenters. while justin’s clearly upset about a “girl” that’s really just a conduit for a whole range of intense feelings of isolation. I think that’s something so many people have felt at one time or another; but we have a taboo about showing such weakness in public. it’s something that we think not even friends should have to suffer thru! and here is a man who has dedicated his life to putting everything online, and what choice does he have but to show this too? all those saying “get a grip, quit blubbering” are essentially (and some literally) saying “this is too embarassing to be used as “art”, do something that makes you look tougher.” still, I guess this is the danger of life as art to this excessive extent.
but you would not have wanted, say, kafka to have just gone to the gym and had a few beers and forgotten all about his problems, would you? So is the question; “is justin hall as good as kafka”? and if that’s the question you’re asking, ask yourself: “why does it bother me that justin hall is not as good as kafka?”
Comment by hugh — January 22, 2005 @ 10:36 am
Blogging has, by and large, always represented a glimpse into particularly safe slice of one’s life, censored and cleaned up for effect, and broadcast according to the modes of the medium. I doubt you could find many bloggers who truly share their suffering like Hall has here. Blogging, as it’s performed these days, is rather sterile. We all have cringing bits of free-verse in our notepads that we not only will never post, but we will hide ruthlessly for fear that someone might read them…isn’t it also true that these tend to make the most interesting blog posts, whenever they do surface? Suffering and art are not equivalent, even though each often enables the other. I draw the line at calling Hall’s meltdown “art” just because some commenters were feelin’ it. It falls more under the category of uninhibited expression, taken in the context of a man who’s lived his life online, a sort of “fourth wall” breaking bit of introspection between Hall and his online audience (which is indistinguishable from his “real-life” audience, since his life is online). I’m rambling now so, in other words no, he’s not as good as Kafka ;-)
Comment by Nick — January 22, 2005 @ 7:01 pm
I’m not too sure about the kafka comparison, but the man is definitely a trailblazer! I was amazed to learn the length of time he’s been ‘documenting’ his life. Without having read his earlier stuff, though, I hesitate on whether to call it art or not. What he does next, if he doesn’t quit, will more than likely decide, I think.
Comment by sennosen — January 23, 2005 @ 12:09 am
Sad guy crying on your shoulder = not art. Sad guy, an original blogger, recording himself crying and reflecting on the dilemmas of a blogger, editing the video, adding captions, and broadcasting (thru his blog) to the world , to reflect upon … yup it’s art by my definition, but I don’t think that’s the issue. Is it good art? That’s the question. He got lots of reaction and I expect this’ll become one of those videos that makes the rounds for years.
is he as good as kafka (OR, insert your favourite artist who comments the individual’s struggle against society)? well, no, not for my money. but it’s good enough that i’m writing about it again, so justin’s done something interesting. so yes, in the end I’ve got to say, yeah, not bad.
Comment by hugh — January 23, 2005 @ 10:02 am
Good stuff. Glad you wrote it out cause I couldn’t find the time/words.
People ask me what I do. I say, to their chagrin, but meaning it quite literally: “I live”. What I want to say, or what I’d like to believe I suppose, is that I am making art, that my life is my art. I do not paint or write or really “do” anything that may traditionally be called “art”. But to me, every moment, and more importantly, every *interaction* (exchange, communication, be it with a person or an object or a place) is the work of art that is my life. Audience or no.
I know Justin personally. Watching this video was tremendously unsettling but I could fully understand it. “Immer probleme mitt Publicum…” Perhaps, the artist’s ever present issues with his/her public? And now, where do I draw the line between my self and my public? Where is the line between Performer and Observer when we are all Participants?
:)
(thanks for the metaphysical moment as I sit in the dreary, anesthetized fluo-lit conference room at the 6A offices in Tokyo)
Comment by Boris — January 26, 2005 @ 12:55 am
i think the more engaged and creative people are, generally the happier they are (not to say artists are famous for their cheer, but what would be like if they didn’t create? probably criminal or insane or dead). Weblogs have given a way to create and interact, even if it’s only in a mundane way: it’s still better to write about a crappy tv show than to watch one, and better to write about your thoughts on bush or del.icio.us than just think about it & lose it. the connection is the key. in a way blogging etc. is art-through-connection, for most on a very small scale, but the scale is irrelevant, what’s relevant is what you do. the angst about not having any meaning in modern life always pisses me off: i think people should go do some good for somebody other than themselves and then see how they feel about their angst. this is why socialtech is so exciting, i hope, it can bring people together to do good and interesting things. yak yak!
Comment by hugh — January 26, 2005 @ 10:29 am
:D
Comment by Boris — January 26, 2005 @ 11:49 am
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